We live in what is already being called the soberest decade in mammalian history. In lockstep with Gen Z’s rightward swing, fitness culture trends toward an illiberal rejection of all vices and indulgences. Long hair and moustaches may dominate the 20-something run club scene, but don’t let the 1970’s aesthetics fool you. The Gu guzzling young fellows of the contemporary running boom are not opting to tuck a pack of Marlboro Reds into their shirtsleeve as they lace up their Boston 13’s. As a corporate body, SportsDrink represents a radical departure from 21st and even 20th century approaches to exercise nutrition. With reverence to such 19th century titans of masculinity as Daniel Boone, Hugh Glass, Viktor Frankenstein, and Comte de Lautréamont, our ultimate aim is to use the fitness industry as a pathway for reinjecting youth culture with the ruggedness and impurity of early industrial modernity.
Hark and open your ears youthful prince!
Yes, you who have found your path and walked it. You who have cast your vape in the river, or handed it off to some younger fool. You of perpetually multiplied hydration. You, ripping tape from your mouth at dawn. You who’s plates of carbon outnumber those of porcelain. You who dreams at 180 bpm. You who have Door Dashed Sweetgreen. How long have you walked this path? Two training cycles? How many marathons ago? Since the breakup? The breakup before that? Since aging out of college lacrosse or basketball ? Or are you that tragic track athlete, doing this to yourself since 14, when your peers were still huffing cinnamon behind Panera…..?
….It is you who needs SportsDrink the most (you, brought below sub-3 by your insanity– not your temperance.) Your temple-body need not be so pure. Hinder not your insanity.
Drink SportsDrink and veer from the path
Sports Drink 